public threat

What a horrible day.

I spend my whole life figuring out how to be positive, and discover that people are yet to develop despite the coming of adulthood. They may not be in primary school or high school anymore, but growing up doesn't necessarily mean your mind has progressed. With exceptions to some people I've met, in general, people are programmed, conformist pigs, with a lifetime to discover their personal truths.

I can't really think straight at the moment, I have concerns and stresses from all angles. And people are getting me panicked and threatened because of my sometimes obvious dissociative thinking. I get too anxious, too paranoid, and i often let my weaknesses show once people find them. I think i may be a little intimidating and serious actually. I can't help it if i find deeper meaning in everything and want to challenge thought. Am i too far ahead of myself? Should I be less direct, more casual, more robotic - no thought, no feeling? Should I relax more and be careless about beliefs, and just nod my head to the world as if change isn't necessary.

It's hard to reach common ground, to communicate, to learn from each other. But to be quite honest, no one seems to care about what's important, and this repels and saddens me. I'm sick of cheap human entertainment, sick of the lack of respect and a lack of self confidence and moral understanding. Luckily there's a handful of deep thinkers that I've met who get a sense of gratification from taking on the world, and not just a job or a relationship. Talk is so repetitive these days, I would love for more people to open up to free thinking, to ideas and possibilities. To break socially programmed limitations and expand beyond what family, friends and the media will dictate. I feel like one of the few who is generally frustrated with this human condition for complacency, and the desire for comfort and survival of the individual, irrespective of others and consequences. When have people stopped teaching their children to think? The current moral lesson is to give future generations money and toys and tell them to piss off into the world. And by world, i mean their living rooms. We live in a technological world where we seem to get in touch with others, but not in touch with ourselves.

Except I don't want to abandon the world that seems disappointed in what I do.